Friday, November 17, 2006
Je suis triste.....sans espoir.....I am without hope.......
......the day is past.......and I have been thinking about everything.....two doctors have called now to get more information about him....it has become clearer to me now....
......this sucks.
I was so relieved earlier today to have *something*...*some* diagnosis....*some* inkling of what the hell was going on. Now I just feel empty again.
I am sad. So sad.
I didn't realize before that by not knowing, I had hope.
Now I know...and the hope is gone for me. I'm pretty darn sure that my grandfather will never look at me and smile his knowing smile again...ever. I'm pretty sure that I won't hear his voice again. I can't believe *that* time..the time that I never truly believed would come...is coming. I am going to miss him so much...I already do.
How do people stand it? How do people stand to keep living when their child dies...or their families do. This is my grandfather....and elderly man who is reaching the end of his time....it's a natural death...a natural end.....its sad but not tragic....how do people live with tragedies.
I hope, with all my soul, that my grandfather doesn't linger for years like my grandmother did.
I am sad. So sad.
I didn't realize before that by not knowing, I had hope.
Now I know...and the hope is gone for me. I'm pretty darn sure that my grandfather will never look at me and smile his knowing smile again...ever. I'm pretty sure that I won't hear his voice again. I can't believe *that* time..the time that I never truly believed would come...is coming. I am going to miss him so much...I already do.
How do people stand it? How do people stand to keep living when their child dies...or their families do. This is my grandfather....and elderly man who is reaching the end of his time....it's a natural death...a natural end.....its sad but not tragic....how do people live with tragedies.
I can't even imagine. I don't want to ever know.
I hope, with all my soul, that my grandfather doesn't linger for years like my grandmother did.
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I wont lie to you chica...some days it sucks like you can't even imagine. Other days, its manageable. Sorry, this isn't very uplifting. I do know what you're going through...and I wish I could make things "better" or at least less sucky. I know exactly what you mean about not being ready.
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# posted by 
: November 25, 2006 10:58 PM
: November 25, 2006 10:58 PM << Home
