Sunday, July 29, 2007
Huh...wonder why the map counter reset?? It looked cool with all the different dots on the map.....now I have 6!
*zoikes*.
dang.
..and I think my flag counter is gone. Double dang.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Maps....excellent blog submission.....
If you could pull a string from where you are right now to the other side of the planet...where would you be? Antipodes
More on Antipodes
If you could pull a string from where you are right now to the other side of the planet...where would you be? Antipodes
More on Antipodes
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Full Circle
....I mentioned briefly that I have become lately fixated on Facebook. It is an interesting phenomenon really.....connecting with people. You start off with some innocuous people in your life....and then it spreads out.
You start seeking out the past.
You start to seek out people that you haven't spoken with, thought of, or interacted with in years...years and years and years.
With some, you pick up where you left off without missing a beat, and with others the strained distrust and confusion takes over. I know I'm not the only one "seeking" at this time....Ive been contacted by a few people....even tonight someone from a lonnng time ago (not on facebook) called me out of the blue. Is it all coincidence?
When i was living in "the past", i couldn't wait to get away from it. It wasn't a pleasant time for me. High school was not the sunny fun filled place that it is often portrayed as. There were never hoards of friends that i "hung around" with. There aren't people that i pine for now either. There are only people that i wonder about.
Now, i am here looking back.
Why am i looking back?
My memories and ruminations are definitely more tempered and kinder than the reality was....and yet, i am under no disillusion about how uncomfortable that time was for me. So why look back now when i swore i never would? is it because i turned 40? am i trying to reconcile emotions long buried, yet somehow still intact? the broken memories trickle into my head at the most inopportune time. Am i seeking clarity? is it a more pragmatic reason? is it because i now have kids and i am desperately seeking guidance from my past self to help temper their passage throughout their future adolescence? to cushion it?
I have no freaking clue.
You start seeking out the past.
You start to seek out people that you haven't spoken with, thought of, or interacted with in years...years and years and years.
And there they are.
Living their lives.With some, you pick up where you left off without missing a beat, and with others the strained distrust and confusion takes over. I know I'm not the only one "seeking" at this time....Ive been contacted by a few people....even tonight someone from a lonnng time ago (not on facebook) called me out of the blue. Is it all coincidence?
When i was living in "the past", i couldn't wait to get away from it. It wasn't a pleasant time for me. High school was not the sunny fun filled place that it is often portrayed as. There were never hoards of friends that i "hung around" with. There aren't people that i pine for now either. There are only people that i wonder about.
Now, i am here looking back.Why am i looking back?
My memories and ruminations are definitely more tempered and kinder than the reality was....and yet, i am under no disillusion about how uncomfortable that time was for me. So why look back now when i swore i never would? is it because i turned 40? am i trying to reconcile emotions long buried, yet somehow still intact? the broken memories trickle into my head at the most inopportune time. Am i seeking clarity? is it a more pragmatic reason? is it because i now have kids and i am desperately seeking guidance from my past self to help temper their passage throughout their future adolescence? to cushion it?
I have no freaking clue.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Random nonsensical update ....
I just ran through my blog from beginning to end. I didn't realize that I wrote as much as I did. huh. I just discovered my husband's cousins blog....did you get that? I really like her..and I am contemplating giving her my blog Addy...dunno though....will have to think on it. Only one person in real life has this blog Addy.....and it admittedly makes me a bit worried at times. Anyway.... the update.
Last week:
*threw out my back on Monday prior to going to my kids eye check up.
*does anyone here remember the "issues" with my sons vision? Raise your hand if you do.....well...his "bad" eye has not improved at all. Its seems to be settling in at 20/60 or 20/50 at best...corrected. Corrected... that is WITH his glasses.
His good eye is at 20/25 corrected...which is awesome. So...he is patching 24/7 for the next 3 weeks. Week 1 is done. Today's appointment wasn't any better than last week's appointment. *IF* his vision doesn't improve for that eye in the next two weeks.....we will have to "redefine" our expectations for his vision according to the opthamologist...and i have no clue what that means.
guh. (if that entry was confusing....too bad lol)
*lay on the back most of last week....as per the "thrown out back" (see above).
*my grandfather isn't much more improved than he was back in November. From the time that my grandmother died, he went from a functioning, walking, talking, self feeding man to a man who sits in his wheelchair and cant talk, cant feed himself and must wears diapers. Its so utterly depressing.
*had a very important meeting with some big wigs at work...it went well. I don't have the time, energy nor the inclination to explain it in detail so this will have to suffice. All you need to know is i stressed about it for months...and it went super duper well.
* kid goes on another trip tomorrow and I'm naturally freaked about it. Why does it have to rain, or threaten to rain on every trip?? !
*discovered "Facebook" and Ive been spending too much time frittering away on that...contacting people from my past. I predict a whiny future post on the psychological effects of delving into your past after 20 years of not thinking about it.
I just ran through my blog from beginning to end. I didn't realize that I wrote as much as I did. huh. I just discovered my husband's cousins blog....did you get that? I really like her..and I am contemplating giving her my blog Addy...dunno though....will have to think on it. Only one person in real life has this blog Addy.....and it admittedly makes me a bit worried at times. Anyway.... the update.
Last week:
*threw out my back on Monday prior to going to my kids eye check up.
*does anyone here remember the "issues" with my sons vision? Raise your hand if you do.....well...his "bad" eye has not improved at all. Its seems to be settling in at 20/60 or 20/50 at best...corrected. Corrected... that is WITH his glasses.
His good eye is at 20/25 corrected...which is awesome. So...he is patching 24/7 for the next 3 weeks. Week 1 is done. Today's appointment wasn't any better than last week's appointment. *IF* his vision doesn't improve for that eye in the next two weeks.....we will have to "redefine" our expectations for his vision according to the opthamologist...and i have no clue what that means.
guh. (if that entry was confusing....too bad lol)
*lay on the back most of last week....as per the "thrown out back" (see above).
*my grandfather isn't much more improved than he was back in November. From the time that my grandmother died, he went from a functioning, walking, talking, self feeding man to a man who sits in his wheelchair and cant talk, cant feed himself and must wears diapers. Its so utterly depressing.
*had a very important meeting with some big wigs at work...it went well. I don't have the time, energy nor the inclination to explain it in detail so this will have to suffice. All you need to know is i stressed about it for months...and it went super duper well.
* kid goes on another trip tomorrow and I'm naturally freaked about it. Why does it have to rain, or threaten to rain on every trip?? !
*discovered "Facebook" and Ive been spending too much time frittering away on that...contacting people from my past. I predict a whiny future post on the psychological effects of delving into your past after 20 years of not thinking about it.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Save the child; Sacrifice the childhood....
As established before...I am an overprotective worry wort mother. Its true. I worry about everything and when it comes to my kids...my worry is limitless.
Its truly counterproductive and unhealthy.
*sigh*As established before...I am an overprotective worry wort mother. Its true. I worry about everything and when it comes to my kids...my worry is limitless.
Its truly counterproductive and unhealthy.
My oldest is 8 years old. A few months ago, there was a bus accident 10 Kms from my house. The school bus driver lost control of the bus on the highway and the bus ended up in the centre median on the highway. All it did was do a wicked fishtail. The bus did not roll over or hit anything. Many children ended up with broken bones....but more importantly, one child died from a severe head injury. He was 8 also. Needless to say, i have wrapped that knowledge around me every night like a macabre blanket....feeding it, nurturing it....and obsessing.
On my sons last school trip, I drove him rather than have him go on the bus. I followed the bus in the car and dropped him off with his classmates when we reached our destination so he could partake in the trip. At the end of the day, I collected my son and drove him back home following the bus again. The sensible part of me was locked away in a dark vault in the back of my mind......and it howled and fought to get out. I knew that what i was doing was actually more detrimental to my kid than just putting him on that bus and letting him go with his classmates. I knew that i was taking a part of the dark fear that lives inside me, and seeding in my sons heart.
I knew.
Tomorrow, is another school trip with the summer camp. On a bus. Likely on the highway. These trips happen twice a week for the entire summer. I rearranged my entire work schedule in order to be able to go on these trips....in order to drive him. I overheard my son talking to a friend of his about this. He told him that I was driving him so that he could be safe; that he was afraid of the bus tipping or something. It stopped me dead in my tracks. What the hell am I doing?
I want my kids to be safe and to grow old...but at what cost? My mother has already made me so scared about everything...do I really want to pass that heirloom on to my children??
So.
I spoke to him tonight. We talked about the likelihood of something "bad" happening and that he was pretty much safe to go. He expressed his anxiousness, and I listened. I listened to him echo the words and fears that he "borrowed" from me. I say "borrowed" because I hope I am not too late. I hope that the damage that Ive done can be reversed and I hope that my kid isn't afraid of living life like I am. I don't want him to be a risk taker...but I also don't want him living in a closet afraid of the boogie man like I am.
So dear reader....here I sit writing this. Feeling scared. Feeling worried. Knowing that I am doing the right thing, but wishing I had a paper bag to breathe into.
On my sons last school trip, I drove him rather than have him go on the bus. I followed the bus in the car and dropped him off with his classmates when we reached our destination so he could partake in the trip. At the end of the day, I collected my son and drove him back home following the bus again. The sensible part of me was locked away in a dark vault in the back of my mind......and it howled and fought to get out. I knew that what i was doing was actually more detrimental to my kid than just putting him on that bus and letting him go with his classmates. I knew that i was taking a part of the dark fear that lives inside me, and seeding in my sons heart.
I knew.
Tomorrow, is another school trip with the summer camp. On a bus. Likely on the highway. These trips happen twice a week for the entire summer. I rearranged my entire work schedule in order to be able to go on these trips....in order to drive him. I overheard my son talking to a friend of his about this. He told him that I was driving him so that he could be safe; that he was afraid of the bus tipping or something. It stopped me dead in my tracks. What the hell am I doing?
I want my kids to be safe and to grow old...but at what cost? My mother has already made me so scared about everything...do I really want to pass that heirloom on to my children??
So.
I spoke to him tonight. We talked about the likelihood of something "bad" happening and that he was pretty much safe to go. He expressed his anxiousness, and I listened. I listened to him echo the words and fears that he "borrowed" from me. I say "borrowed" because I hope I am not too late. I hope that the damage that Ive done can be reversed and I hope that my kid isn't afraid of living life like I am. I don't want him to be a risk taker...but I also don't want him living in a closet afraid of the boogie man like I am.
So dear reader....here I sit writing this. Feeling scared. Feeling worried. Knowing that I am doing the right thing, but wishing I had a paper bag to breathe into.
