Monday, April 30, 2007
Week 2.
I'm no longer starving. At worst, I am "peckish" from time to time. I've lost about 5 lbs so far which is good. The big problem right now is remembering to drink water. I usually only drink when I am thirsty....
Monday, April 23, 2007
Day 3....
Well....the first day on the Jenny (starvation) diet was brutal. I couldn't believe how small the portion sizes were in comparison to my usual porker size. Added to that, I *must* snack a ton more than I realize because **ALL** I could think about was ~food~.
The second day was on sunday and I was looking at my offspring with a new appreciation on why mice and other animals eat their young. My little girl is 5 and still has lovely squishy baby fat....she looked yummy lol.
I have eaten more veggies in these 2 days than I have all month.
Today...the hunger is still there, but it isn't as urgent today. Given that this is actually a post with words and that it is all about my diet...its quite obvious that food is still forefront on my mind.
Well....the first day on the Jenny (starvation) diet was brutal. I couldn't believe how small the portion sizes were in comparison to my usual porker size. Added to that, I *must* snack a ton more than I realize because **ALL** I could think about was ~food~.
Food, food food.
*sigh*.
*sigh*.
The second day was on sunday and I was looking at my offspring with a new appreciation on why mice and other animals eat their young. My little girl is 5 and still has lovely squishy baby fat....she looked yummy lol.
I have eaten more veggies in these 2 days than I have all month.
Today...the hunger is still there, but it isn't as urgent today. Given that this is actually a post with words and that it is all about my diet...its quite obvious that food is still forefront on my mind.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Have you called Jenny??
I did...today. Pray for me lol. I'm going to be very hungry.....
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
The world is crazy....or is it just me.....
When did I start to define my life as a response to my fears?
It was early, I know that. I was never a risk taker...even as a child I was unnaturally cautious. I am brave in many ways....when the danger is facing me.....but the unknown and potential "what-ifs" is enough to make me crumple and fall apart in a heap of terror.
I hate this. I can't stop it and it holds me hostage from truly embracing life...MY life in all its glory.
Oddly I think that nurturing the fear is what keeps it at bay and lets me function.
I know this is all convoluted for you dear reader....but you see, a dear friend of mine was just diagnosed with myelodysplasic syndrome. Depending on the type he has...he may have as long as 10 years to live...or 1.
He is a husband, and a father of a 5 year old boy. He is my age.
I can't wrap my head around it. Between that, the shootings in the south...and the unnecessary bus accident that happened close to my house and claimed the life of a 9 yr old boy...the fear is running rampant. It owns me at the moment.
Ive been so busy in the past three weeks working overtime for my job.....and now that I am emerging from the work volume...I find myself blinking bleary eyed at the bright light of fear and apprehension.
My life is good...so good...and I am afraid of it stopping to be good. It's truly a recipe for disaster.
I need perspective.
Anyway......thats it from me tonight from cyberland.
When did I start to define my life as a response to my fears?
It was early, I know that. I was never a risk taker...even as a child I was unnaturally cautious. I am brave in many ways....when the danger is facing me.....but the unknown and potential "what-ifs" is enough to make me crumple and fall apart in a heap of terror.
I hate this. I can't stop it and it holds me hostage from truly embracing life...MY life in all its glory.
Oddly I think that nurturing the fear is what keeps it at bay and lets me function.
I know this is all convoluted for you dear reader....but you see, a dear friend of mine was just diagnosed with myelodysplasic syndrome. Depending on the type he has...he may have as long as 10 years to live...or 1.
He is a husband, and a father of a 5 year old boy. He is my age.
I can't wrap my head around it. Between that, the shootings in the south...and the unnecessary bus accident that happened close to my house and claimed the life of a 9 yr old boy...the fear is running rampant. It owns me at the moment.
Ive been so busy in the past three weeks working overtime for my job.....and now that I am emerging from the work volume...I find myself blinking bleary eyed at the bright light of fear and apprehension.
My life is good...so good...and I am afraid of it stopping to be good. It's truly a recipe for disaster.
I need perspective.
Anyway......thats it from me tonight from cyberland.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Saturday, April 07, 2007
GOD and The Blind men:
I barely passed grade 11 physics. I have no real comprehension of physics, but I ~really~ wish I did.
I read an article today discussing "Dark Matter". Of particular interest to me is the notion that upwards of 80% of matter and energy is "dark".....it must be to account for the anomalies of gravity etc. viewed in space and such. Yet, dark matter is invisible to x-rays, light or any other forms of electromagnetic radiation.
Now...I am not a religious person; I do consider myself to have a strong spiritual sense but definately not conforming to any organized doctorine. I can't help but think though of the story of the blind men viewing an elephant from different vantage points. One says that the elephant is like a snake - long and flexible. One says that the elephant is like a great wall and yet another says it is like a spear.
So...I wonder to myself...as I often do.....if we are all just experiencing "GOD" as blind individuals. We are limited by our physical container and even further limited by our experience driven perceptions.
IF "GOD" exists......then theoretically science can one day detect "him". When that day comes, will we recognize what we are "looking" at?? And if we do....will we think of "GOD" as awesome....or....will we be disappointed?
I read an article today discussing "Dark Matter". Of particular interest to me is the notion that upwards of 80% of matter and energy is "dark".....it must be to account for the anomalies of gravity etc. viewed in space and such. Yet, dark matter is invisible to x-rays, light or any other forms of electromagnetic radiation.
Now...I am not a religious person; I do consider myself to have a strong spiritual sense but definately not conforming to any organized doctorine. I can't help but think though of the story of the blind men viewing an elephant from different vantage points. One says that the elephant is like a snake - long and flexible. One says that the elephant is like a great wall and yet another says it is like a spear.
So...I wonder to myself...as I often do.....if we are all just experiencing "GOD" as blind individuals. We are limited by our physical container and even further limited by our experience driven perceptions.
IF "GOD" exists......then theoretically science can one day detect "him". When that day comes, will we recognize what we are "looking" at?? And if we do....will we think of "GOD" as awesome....or....will we be disappointed?
