Thursday, June 28, 2007
Puppy Love is a Bitch....
and on the heels of "my babies are growing up" whine....we have a calamity in our midst. My son was sad tonight...honest to goodness sad. Crying, sobbing..the whole enchilada. Why? What it boiled down to was that his "girlfriend" was mean to him today. Oh Lord..he is 8.
Thing of it is...she *is* breaking his heart...i feel for him, truly. Ive tried to warn him for the past 2
years....yes, this love affair has been going on since they were both 6. Anyway...Ive tried to warn him that shes a "bad girl"...aka, slutty bitch. Yes..the signs are all pointing to that even at the age of 8 (hell the signs were there at the age of 6!). She manipulates him...takes advantage of his good nature and holds his emotions hostage. Personally...i want to rip her eyes out for hurting my son.*sigh*.
So it starts.
I haven't got the foggiest on what to do with all of this. I listened to him talk about it for the past hour....tried to offer some "motherly" advice without being judgemental.....no clue if it helped.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
I have two children.
I really wish i could have a third.
I have no idea if i can physically have one or not, that's not the issue. Its just that at this time, my lifestyle really no longer allows for it. I'm 40 for one thing and I really don't want to have a child so late in my "procreation years". I *finally* have a career that is on track. I had that in the sidelines essentially from when i graduated until recently because i wanted babies. We are regaining our financial track that we had been on a few years back. Unfortunately due to some bad luck we found ourselves in a financial pinch and ended up in a bit of debt. Emotionally and hormonally I don't think its a good idea at all. The children that I already have took their toll on my that way.
We have two beautiful children. Why do i want...have always wanted a third? I have no idea.
Of late, I've been wondering if its because i mourn the time that has zipped cruelly by and robbed me of the infants that i once had. Is it because i miss my children as babies so much? I love the ages they are now. Maybe it is because i am afraid to close my eyes and go to sleep because when i wake up it will be 5, 10, 20 years later and they will have grown...*Just*...*Like*...*That*
We have two beautiful children. Why do i want...have always wanted a third? I have no idea.
Of late, I've been wondering if its because i mourn the time that has zipped cruelly by and robbed me of the infants that i once had. Is it because i miss my children as babies so much? I love the ages they are now. Maybe it is because i am afraid to close my eyes and go to sleep because when i wake up it will be 5, 10, 20 years later and they will have grown...*Just*...*Like*...*That*
*FINGER SNAP*.
Guh. I am obviously melancholy. I wish...so much I wish, like so many other mother's have wished....that I could go back in time and rock my infant son and my infant daughter to sleep once more. To feel their soft touch and their soft breath on my skin and to feel their heart beating in time to the pulse of my soul.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Graduation Day
Today my daughter graduated from kindergarten to grade 1.
I know...... I know...for you people out there without kids, it's really
stupid. But man o' man...for a mom and dad...and the little proud graduate, the day held as much significance as if she were graduating from her Masters degree.
I have spent the year volunteering in her classroom every Friday afternoon. An opportunity I might add that was priceless and I really think that every adult should go back to kindergarten in their lives....it truly gives you a greater appreciation for what teachers really do. Today was my last day of kindergarten also lol.....and I was there for all the rehearsal and all the prep work. The kids were so excited, so thrilled with the event...so proud.
Things I want to remember about my daughter today:
* the way you were so solemn for this momentous occasion even while so many other classmates dissolved in a fit of giggles repeatedly. You were so committed to an image of decorum. It was hilarious.
* the way you informed me prior to your "walk of pride" that you were going to hold your skirt just so....and then you remembered to do exactly that.
* the way you insisted that the daycare people call me in the morning to tell me that you were very nervous about the graduation and could I please bring Baby Tina (your favorite doll) along to watch you get your diploma.
* the way you instructed me to take care of Baby Tina prior to coming to ensure that she had eaten and gone to the washroom lol.
* the way you proudly remembered your lines for your bit in the song and presentation.
* the way you helped me select your dress the night before and your earrings and your shoes.
* the fact that you and one other girl were the smallest in the class and that the tallest boy towered over you by a full head and shoulders.
I am proud of you...and I love you very much.
Today my daughter graduated from kindergarten to grade 1.
I know...... I know...for you people out there without kids, it's really
stupid. But man o' man...for a mom and dad...and the little proud graduate, the day held as much significance as if she were graduating from her Masters degree.I have spent the year volunteering in her classroom every Friday afternoon. An opportunity I might add that was priceless and I really think that every adult should go back to kindergarten in their lives....it truly gives you a greater appreciation for what teachers really do. Today was my last day of kindergarten also lol.....and I was there for all the rehearsal and all the prep work. The kids were so excited, so thrilled with the event...so proud.
Things I want to remember about my daughter today:
* the way you were so solemn for this momentous occasion even while so many other classmates dissolved in a fit of giggles repeatedly. You were so committed to an image of decorum. It was hilarious.
* the way you informed me prior to your "walk of pride" that you were going to hold your skirt just so....and then you remembered to do exactly that.
* the way you insisted that the daycare people call me in the morning to tell me that you were very nervous about the graduation and could I please bring Baby Tina (your favorite doll) along to watch you get your diploma.
* the way you instructed me to take care of Baby Tina prior to coming to ensure that she had eaten and gone to the washroom lol.
* the way you proudly remembered your lines for your bit in the song and presentation.
* the way you helped me select your dress the night before and your earrings and your shoes.
* the fact that you and one other girl were the smallest in the class and that the tallest boy towered over you by a full head and shoulders.
I am proud of you...and I love you very much.
Friday, June 15, 2007
I am still obsessed with Madeleine McCann.
Why her and not other missing children?.....I'm not certain. Perhaps its because my daughter has the same name and is roughly the same age.....and even resembles her. Perhaps its because I am Portuguese by heritage and my grandparents live...lived in the Algarve. Perhaps its because they are a middle class close nit family like mine. I'm not sure. But..I think about her as much as I think about my children when I am not with them....and I got to bed every night with her name on my lips in prayer.
She is naturally still missing.
I am the first to say that what the parents of Madeleine McCann did was stupid and reckless. I can only imagine the guilt that they must be living with. However, I am utterly appalled at the insensitive comments and downright hatred that I keep coming across on the Internet and in my daily dealings with people. Its astounding.
When it comes to safety....I'm over the top. It's arguably not a good thing. I have only ever left my kids in a reputable daycare...after i stalked and spied on it for 2 weeks straight to ease my fears. Other than that....I have only ever left them briefly with family....for a few hours when we have gone to the movies on those rare occasions. I have a monitor in my kids rooms still...my son is 8! Because I want to hear them *just in case*.
I could go on with insane things that i do, all in the name of "Keeping Them Safe". They are my life. I am the first to admit that I'm toooo focused on this and that I am overprotective.
I would never have done what the McCann's did leaving their children alone in bed.
Having said all that....it was a mistake..a stupid stupid mistake but it does NOT make them bad parents. They appear to be incredible parents. This public condemnation is coming from all sides and I think its really really sick. Many of my friends have condemned her....and yet, they all do the same sorts of things:
I have a friend who leaves her younger son in the car, WITH IT RUNNING AND THE DOORS UNLOCKED, while she takes her older daughter into school. I have another friend who leaves her daughter in the company of children (aka babysitters) all the time who are typically not much older than 14 yrs. Yet another mother I know, leaves her son in the company of strangers (aka babysitters) whom she only met once. They come over, she meets them...and leaves. One smokes pot when she is caring for her children....she says it "calms her down". Down the street from me, one mom that I know in passing lets her 3 boys run amok. They are between the ages of 9 and 3. They are *always* in the back field behind our houses playing, unsupervised in the bushes. There are paths going everywhere....if anyone wanted to take them, it would be so easy.
The "WHAT IF's" that flood my mind in these situations and so many others that I see *daily* smother all other thoughts. Yet...these are the same ones who condemn the McCann's for their stupidity.
The McCann's are not abusers of their children. They appear to be terrific parents who did a stupid stupid thing. That's it..nothing more...nothing more insidious than what the majority of other parents do. I wish everyone would just focus all their energy on finding Madeleine...rather that coming up with stupid petitions to further complicate the lives of the McCann's.
So...if you are reading this and you are a condemner, I have only this to say to you....
Monday, June 11, 2007
Brief update.... ...still on Jenny food - lost 10 lbs.
...still obsessed with reading about Madeleine Mccann.
...started looking for people on Facebook. Not necessarily a good thing. Meeting the "wrong" people at this point from my past I think.
...kinda bummed this evening....life is a bit...."difficult" at the moment.
Really wish I could just cry on someone shoulder.
