Wednesday, April 18, 2007
The world is crazy....or is it just me.....
When did I start to define my life as a response to my fears?
It was early, I know that. I was never a risk taker...even as a child I was unnaturally cautious. I am brave in many ways....when the danger is facing me.....but the unknown and potential "what-ifs" is enough to make me crumple and fall apart in a heap of terror.
I hate this. I can't stop it and it holds me hostage from truly embracing life...MY life in all its glory.
Oddly I think that nurturing the fear is what keeps it at bay and lets me function.
I know this is all convoluted for you dear reader....but you see, a dear friend of mine was just diagnosed with myelodysplasic syndrome. Depending on the type he has...he may have as long as 10 years to live...or 1.
He is a husband, and a father of a 5 year old boy. He is my age.
I can't wrap my head around it. Between that, the shootings in the south...and the unnecessary bus accident that happened close to my house and claimed the life of a 9 yr old boy...the fear is running rampant. It owns me at the moment.
Ive been so busy in the past three weeks working overtime for my job.....and now that I am emerging from the work volume...I find myself blinking bleary eyed at the bright light of fear and apprehension.
My life is good...so good...and I am afraid of it stopping to be good. It's truly a recipe for disaster.
I need perspective.
Anyway......thats it from me tonight from cyberland.
When did I start to define my life as a response to my fears?
It was early, I know that. I was never a risk taker...even as a child I was unnaturally cautious. I am brave in many ways....when the danger is facing me.....but the unknown and potential "what-ifs" is enough to make me crumple and fall apart in a heap of terror.
I hate this. I can't stop it and it holds me hostage from truly embracing life...MY life in all its glory.
Oddly I think that nurturing the fear is what keeps it at bay and lets me function.
I know this is all convoluted for you dear reader....but you see, a dear friend of mine was just diagnosed with myelodysplasic syndrome. Depending on the type he has...he may have as long as 10 years to live...or 1.
He is a husband, and a father of a 5 year old boy. He is my age.
I can't wrap my head around it. Between that, the shootings in the south...and the unnecessary bus accident that happened close to my house and claimed the life of a 9 yr old boy...the fear is running rampant. It owns me at the moment.
Ive been so busy in the past three weeks working overtime for my job.....and now that I am emerging from the work volume...I find myself blinking bleary eyed at the bright light of fear and apprehension.
My life is good...so good...and I am afraid of it stopping to be good. It's truly a recipe for disaster.
I need perspective.
Anyway......thats it from me tonight from cyberland.
