Wednesday, June 27, 2007
I have two children.
I really wish i could have a third.
I have no idea if i can physically have one or not, that's not the issue. Its just that at this time, my lifestyle really no longer allows for it. I'm 40 for one thing and I really don't want to have a child so late in my "procreation years". I *finally* have a career that is on track. I had that in the sidelines essentially from when i graduated until recently because i wanted babies. We are regaining our financial track that we had been on a few years back. Unfortunately due to some bad luck we found ourselves in a financial pinch and ended up in a bit of debt. Emotionally and hormonally I don't think its a good idea at all. The children that I already have took their toll on my that way.
We have two beautiful children. Why do i want...have always wanted a third? I have no idea.
Of late, I've been wondering if its because i mourn the time that has zipped cruelly by and robbed me of the infants that i once had. Is it because i miss my children as babies so much? I love the ages they are now. Maybe it is because i am afraid to close my eyes and go to sleep because when i wake up it will be 5, 10, 20 years later and they will have grown...*Just*...*Like*...*That*
We have two beautiful children. Why do i want...have always wanted a third? I have no idea.
Of late, I've been wondering if its because i mourn the time that has zipped cruelly by and robbed me of the infants that i once had. Is it because i miss my children as babies so much? I love the ages they are now. Maybe it is because i am afraid to close my eyes and go to sleep because when i wake up it will be 5, 10, 20 years later and they will have grown...*Just*...*Like*...*That*
*FINGER SNAP*.
Guh. I am obviously melancholy. I wish...so much I wish, like so many other mother's have wished....that I could go back in time and rock my infant son and my infant daughter to sleep once more. To feel their soft touch and their soft breath on my skin and to feel their heart beating in time to the pulse of my soul.
